shawnmcclearn

Sep 292014
 

I was busy, but now I’m not.  And I won’t lie, the time away from the office did me good.  But vanity never rests, and it falls to me to take up the struggle once again.  But fear not!  I am a happy warrior, fighting the good fight against silliness with…more silliness.  Okay, maybe I shoulda thought this through a bit more than I did.  Oh well, too late now.  Here we go!

 

Your guess is as good as min.

South Dakota time four? 4 Scary Ducks? Suspended Driver for the fourth time? This one’s another puzzler.

 

LUV-EORE

It’s not much of a vanity plate, but I’m sort of attached to it.

 

So, you're saying you're the love child of the old Zayre's department stores and T.J. Maxx?  You get to be the bastard child of low-end retail.   Um, wow, lucky you.

So, you’re saying you’re the love child of the old Zayre department stores and T.J. Maxx? You get to be the bastard child of low-end retail. Um, wow, lucky you.

 

Fall is here, but in terms of vanity, nothing has changed.  It’s a constant of a sort, I suppose.

Sep 282014
 

Today’s Daily Post asks if we agree with the statement ““Perhaps too much of everything is as bad as too little.”

I have to say yes, I agree.  I mean, look at what happened to this guy when he got a lot of everything:

If he’d only known when to stop, he wouldn’t have wound up getting blown to smithereens by some punk “Jedi.”

Sep 182014
 

Yup, another birthday, another year, and another week of South Central Pennsylvania indulging in its vanity plate habit.  It just never ends.

Oh hey, I love the Dungeons & the Dragons too!  And with 5th edition just released, it's a swell time to let your nerd flag fly.  Or not, if this wasn't your intention.  But I choose to believe it is.

Oh hey, I love the Dungeons & the Dragons too! And with 5th edition just released, it’s a swell time to let your nerd flag fly. Or not, if this wasn’t your intention.  But I choose to believe that it is.

Electronic Ink? Or is “E” your first initial? And is “77” the year you were born or just a number? Your IQ? Do you even know?

Initially I was gonna mock this person's grasp of the obvious.  Then on second thought I realized this isn't a bad way to pick out your truck in a crowded parking lot.  How deceptively clever of you sir/madame!

Initially I was gonna mock this person’s grasp of the obvious. Then on second thought I realized this isn’t a bad way to pick out your truck in a crowded parking lot. How deceptively clever of you sir/madame!

 

Yup, it’s a quirk that’s showing itself everywhere these days in South Central PA.  Maybe they’re all part of some ka-tet that only a few, including the plate’s owners themselves, recognize?  Maybe this means I’m in on it, too?  Probably not, but a fellah can dream!

Sep 122014
 

So busy, so occupied.  Stuff at work, stuff in life, and the world is still a-spinnin’.  But don’t you worry none, I kept an eye out.  I may be a little behind, but I sure as sugar ain’t done.  So let’s hit it.

 

TURBOO

So, “Live the Dream” means making cheesy puns? Really? I guess we really are living in age of diminished expectations.

 

 

RUN2LV

I think this means “Run to Live.” Normally, I mock these things, but this plate’s owner is right. Running is very conducive to good health. And the runner’s high is pretty nice, too.

 

REDSOX 3

Um, really? Unless you or a close family member was raised in New England, you got no excuse. I mean, if you’re gonna root for an American League team, at least pick the Baltimore Orioles. They’re just down the road. Come on!

18 and life you got it!

Sep 072014
 

I’m glad that’s over, and truth be told, I am suspicious of Map.MyRun’s calibration being accurate.  The time still stands, though.

 

Official Result per the webiste:

281 SHAUN MCCLEARN 935 43 M 29 40-44 1:55:42.69 8:50/M

Two things:

1.  I am a SHAWN, not a Shaun.

2. MapMyRun needs some work on their calibration.  They were off by

I ran with MapMyRun+! Distance: 13.24mi, time: 01:55:58, pace: 8:46min/mi, speed: 6.85mi/h.

http://mapmyrun.com/workout/722110385

http://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/fullscreen/27707840/

Sep 022014
 

Yeah, Labor Day.  Where I celebrate my proletarian roots by sitting in the sun and watching college football (HAIL TO PITT, BABY!!!) and then stuffing my face.   And then stuffing my face some more, then hitting a hammock, and then going to the Great Stoneboro Fair, visiting with relatives, and then eating fried dough, a thing for which there is NO nutritional justification.  And then, I lie around on a hammock some more.  And then, I sleep in, and then I eat too much at my sister’s.  So, I’m gettin’ fatter.  Meanwhile, the Vanity Plates keep on a-lurkin’.  Bastards.  I gotta get back in shape if I’m gonna keep up with this phenomenon.  Good thing the Harrisburg Half-Marathon is coming up this Sunday.

 

ROBIN_4

Robin 4 Congress? 4 Life? The 4th in a series of Robins? Or were just the fourth Robin to think of getting a vanity plate with your name? It’s very plausible, but if that’s the case, it’s awfully prosaic. Please don’t disappoint me.

 

 

MY_UNCLE

You uncle paid for this plate? For this car? Is a swell guy? Or is he some creep hitting on all of your friends? And succeeding?

 

P3RL_JAM

Eddie Vedder would shake your hand, if he knew that you existed. Stone Gossard or Jeff Ament would probably just scratch their heads, mutter some half-hearted words of appreciation and do their best to slip away as quietly as possible.

 

So, to recap: Fatness, I has it.  Time to get crackin’.  That has nothing to do with Vanity Plates, I just need to remind myself to get back into the gym.  I’ll see you next week.

Aug 272014
 

As we approach this grand farewell to summer, this celebration of all thing proletarian, AND THE START OF FOOTBALL SEASON, there will be a lot of people travelling across this fair, God-kissed (but not French-style, you pervs!) land of ours.*  Pennsylvania will be no exception, of course, so keep your peepers peeled for vanity’s that’s four-wheeled!  (Not bad for on the spot, huh?)  Here’s a little warmup for yinz to get your brain juices flowing as get ready to be on the lookout for automotive wackiness:

 

GQ2AT

GQ Smooth To A “T”, eh? I took me a little while to get this one ’til I sounded it out. And you know what that means: I’m learning to read!

 

IMA_DOER

My hope is that you mean this in the “I’m a go-getter” sense and not the “I’m getting ready for the nastiness” sense. There’s something to be said for subtlety. That’s why they call it innuendo, yeah?

 

BEACH_K9

I like the beach. I like dogs. And I’m sure both go together just fine. I just don’t see the need to advertise it. Still, this plate’s a nice e way to say farewell to the summer, so I’ll give it that.

 

Drive safe, peoples!

*”G0d-kissed land” and all inherent benefits reserved for the sole use of white people.  Everyone else is on their own.

Aug 262014
 

Soooo, a principal in the central part of my Glorious Commonwealth of Pennsylvania but the kibosh on a production of Spamalot because of ‘homosexual themes’:

 

Fabulous!

Well, at least no one will have to push the pram a lot.

 

Personally, I’m amused by the idea that a principal was afraid that a musical might expose students to ‘gay’ ideas. Because if there’s one place a kid wouldn’t otherwise be exposed to anything gay in a small-town high school, that would be the place.

Why do I even have to explain this?

Aug 242014
 

Even living the comparably well-fed, well-clothed, sheltered, and steadily employed First World life, things can be lonely and frustrating. I guess the best that one can do is try to see the humor in things and carry. What other choice do we have?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wizv0HNbB98&index=5&list=PLZS5bb93qqA_h63aXbkSvy48avP8EmwvO

Note to self:  Just get past your ‘night owl’ phase and start getting up early for yoga and morning runs.  Kill that restless part of yourself that wants to go out and drink beer on the weekends.

Aug 212014
 

Today’s Daily Post asks “But what is it about a scene, a place, or a moment that makes us reach for our cameras and snap an image?” It wants to know “…what is it about a scene, a place, or a moment that makes us reach for our cameras and snap an image?”

For some, I’m sure it’s the beauty and wonder of nature. For others, an attempt to catch a moment of affection or quiet dignity is what drives them to snap way. Others still look to moments of high energy (e.g. runners in a 100 meter dash) or drama (e.g. anything that made the news in this God-awful month). Me, I look for vanity plates. I guess I’m kinda shallow that way.

 

In my defense, I have a few good reasons for doing this:

  1. It’s free.
  2. It’s a pretty benign hobby that keeps my brain occupied.
  3. They’re funny.  Well, they’re funny to me at least.
  4. It gives me a recurring feature for my blog.

 

Here’s my all-time favorite example.  This is the one that started it all:

SXL CHOCOLATE VANITY PLATE

Ansel Adams I ain’t, but come on!  Who wouldn’t want a memento of something like that?

If you’re curious, check out some of my other vanity plate pictures, starting here.

 

Aug 202014
 

Howdy-doody people!  I took last week off because I wasn’t feelin’ it.  And I honestly thought that things would get better out in the ol’ psychosphere and in the real world as well.  Boy, was I wrong about that.  In light of the world’s ongoing troubles, I’ve come to the conclusion that soldiering on and taking one’s fun where one can is about the best it’ll ever get.  Be it in war or peace, vanity will march on as long as humanity exists.  So, let’s point and laugh.  Snicker, at least.

 

So, let's see, basketball has five guys, so that would imply a 6th man, and football has 11 guys, so that would imply a 12th man.  That leaves baseball with 9 guys.  So, 10th MAN means you're ra-ra baseball.  Great, I guess.  (Yuck)

So, let’s see, basketball has five guys, so that would imply a 6th man, and football has 11 guys, so that would imply a 12th man. That leaves baseball with 9 guys. So, 10th MAN means you’re ra-ra baseball. Great, I guess. (Yuck)

 

TH DUCHY

I love the music of the 80s, too. But somehow I don’t think most cops are even hip to a one-hit wonder like Musical Youth these days. Even if they do know who it is you’re talking about, I don’t think that group’s the first thing that comes to mind when they see your plate. I hope you like getting pulled over a lot, Young Marley.

 

SPECIAL NEW JERSEY GUEST PLATE:  Please don't let this be you bragging about what I think you're bragging about.  Oh, God, no.  Not that, please don't let it be that.

SPECIAL NEW JERSEY GUEST PLATE: Please don’t let this be you bragging about what I think you’re bragging about. Oh, God, no. Not that, please don’t let it be that.

 

Aug 182014
 

Soooo, yesterday’s Daily Post asks us to recall a moment of hilarity. (Whoever came up with this prompt must be brilliant, btw.)

 

So, it was the summer of 1992 and my good roommate Chas (as opposed to our evil roommates J and R) headed out from Pittsburgh to go visit his family in Lebanon, PA.  It was a straight shot across the ol’ PA Turnpike, but whereas I thought it would only be taking 3 hours, it actually took closer to four as my sense of South-Central geography wasn’t quite where it is now.

Like any good road trip, we had music.  We were about 60 miles out and I was getting a little anxious as I actually thought we were much closer and I was giddy with getting out of town, actually getting to meet my buddy’s family and see his hometown, and just a-road trippin’ in general.Chas had one of his mix tapes (naturally; have an old person explain the idea to you, kids) in and we were passing the time singing when Steve Earle’s classic “Copperhead Road” came on.  Oh yeah, this was stuff.  We were in the groove, getting close, and I was already giddy, as I said.  And then…the big chorus and song bridge was about to hit.  Yes!  And so, I came in with the chorus, singing (blurting, really) out “YOU COULD THE WHISKEY BURNIN’ DOWN COPPERHEAD ROAD!!! ” – a full half-verse early.  Chas must have laughed for a good ten on twenty seconds straight. I have to hand it to him for managing not to wreck through his fit as it was quite heartfelt. I started laughing along a little, too and tried to play it off, but he held my feet to the fire and pointed out that I was ready, man.  It was hugely embarrassing, but it was funny, I had to admit. Oh well, at least there was just the two of us in the car at the time.

P.S. Thanks to fine folks at the Daily Post for using my idea.  I’m a little flattered, actually.