Aug 042014

Every Monday night I go to a meditation group. We meditate for twenty minutes, read passages from the book on spirituality that we are reading at the time, discuss what we read, and then meditate for another twenty minutes. I’ve been going to this groups since its inception at the beginning of 2013. It’s been helpful in some ways, but it has its ups and downs. Some days, I sit and am able to just glide along, my thoughts still there but in the background. Other days, I struggle mightily. Today was the latter. Rather than focusing on my breath and just letting my thoughts flow without getting caught up in them, this is what I had running through my mind:

  • God my one coworker is annoying. I know I should be more tolerant but that voice just booms and carries and she doesn’t stop talking. Just…chill. Please.
  • I’m not a very generous person today.
  • Wow, Guardians of the Galaxy was a great movie! I wonder if Bautista will be on Raw tonight to promote the film? Not that it needs any help!
  • I wonder what the new Great Old One Pact Warlock will play like in D&D Next? I think it’d be pretty interesting if a character with that pact couldn’t use his or her powers against certain Aberrant creatures. After all, why would an entity granting you a measure of its power let it use that power against it? Huh, that’d be an interesting way to house-rule things.
  • I can’t quite get comfortable tonight. How do people sit in the Lotus position so perfectly? It looks so simple but I’ve nary a clue. Jeez my ankle gets sore.
  • Maybe I shouldn’t have run before I came here tonight. But, when else was I going to get the chance? I need to keep up with it. I’ve already paid for a marathon in the fall. Gotta stick with it.
  • I can’t get a read on the woman who helps to run the group. I know we only went out for about six weeks back in 2012, and it ended because I was going through a pretty dark time.  But does she still think about me?  I wouldn’t care, but, oh yeah, I’m Co-Dependent Guy.  Plus, she is very cute and generally got it together.  And the dating scene in Harrisburg is barren.  And, I’ve got some good qualities myself.  It’s just a little strange sometimes, by which I mean most of the time.  We’re cordial, but in an arms-length  kind of way.  I still wonder, though.
  • Maybe I should find another group because of this.
  • But I like it here, complication and all.
  • When I get home, I still have some work to do. By work, I mean take out the garbage, do some exercising, and some writing. None of that is really ‘work’ mind you, but I know how I get.
  • Plus, I’m really tired.
  • That reminds me, I gotta work on my sleep hygeine some more. Why do I, as a middle-aged man, have to remind myself of things like this? Why did I still get mad at myself?
  • Huh, this would make for a good blog post. I hope I remember enough of it.
  • Plus a few other things that were running through my head, no doubt.
  • And through it all, a few random notes of Lana del Rey’s “West Coast” keep playing in the back of my mind almost constantly.  I don’t even know if I like that song, yet there it is.

And that’s what was rushing and pinging through my little ADHD brain.  I’m a long way from Nirvana.

So, yeah, some days are better than others.  So much for  And, there’s the fact that making this a daily practice is something that hasn’t taken hold yet. It’s been challenging. But, I keep going on Monday nights. Part of it has to do with need, I’ll grant that. But, I go mainly (oh, say 95% mainly) for the benefits I get from it – stress reduction, focus, and interacting with an eclectic group of people I don’t normally see in my day-to-day life. I still try to sit down and meditate on my own from time-to-time. I’ve made this a part of my routine, so something’s taken hold. I just have to stick with it and then keep hoping I know where and how to take the next step.  I think, I hope.

Jul 292014

I will add the hyperlinks later. You have’s Writing 201: Finding Your Story to blame for this. I ain’t even gonna edit it ’til later.  I’m just a Blogger Gone Wild tonight.  Woo-hoo! Just write, they say.  Or rather, they write.  Still, the point stands.  Just get it all down onto paper, er, the screen.  And so here I am, typing away hoping for something that comes to mind that will overcome this accursed, Verdammt writer’s block.  SIDE NOTE: Did you see my use of German?  Aren’t I clever?


Random thoughts: She was an idiot.  She still is, but she was a great fuck.  I mean, I don’t know exactly why, but goddamn! did we have some chemistry!  I mean, yeah, it was good.  And I was happy for a while.  Happy, content.  This never happens to me.  I mistook it for love perhaps.  Or, perhaps, there really was something there.  It’s possible that there was.  Four years on and I pine like a fool.  No, not like a fool.  I was happy.  And that counted for something in my life, both then and now.  And where else, when else, am I gonna find a hot nerd like her that I share that kind of chemistry with.  It wasn’t just the sex, it may have been that primarily, but it wasn’t just that.  We kind of got each other.  Unfortunately that has meant that I came to understand that she is not interested in a real, long-term commitment that would involve actually working at things and just showing up every few weekends for a sexual pit stop.  All of this brings me something that my sister pointed out to me a few months ago.  She said that maybe it’s not a particular woman who I’m missing so much as how I felt at the time I was with that woman.  This could explain a lot.  Still, I’m not getting any younger.  SIDE NOTE: I know that one isn’t supposed to end a sentence in a preposition, but what are you gonna do about that, huh?  I got my meaning across, and that’s the point, yeah?


Israel is catching Hell over their current invasion of Gaza.  And it stands to reason that the outcry will continue.  Graphic pictures of the Gaza Strip come back almost instantaneously, and however vile Hamas has been and continues to be (hiding rockets in a U.N. school is not Kosher, if you’ll pardon the expression) the response is seen by those sympathetic to and supportive of Israel (myself included)  as entirely disproportionate.  It was also founded upon a false casus belli, we’ve come to find out.  But that doesn’t matter.  Israel is playing a long game here.  They will continue until…, well until they have reached some goal.  How firmly fixed that goal is in the Israeli government’s mind is something that will have to wait until someone’s memoirs (Netanyahu’s, most prominently) comes out.  But I would hazard a guess that the goals are, broadly speaking, to weaken Hamas to the point where they aren’t able to wage any sort of sustained terror campaign for several years and to demonstrate to the Palestinians living in Gaza that the cost of supporting Hamas is too high for them to bear.  These are hardly original thoughts, but I think it stands to reason.  Israel’s come this far, they’re not going to quit until they have what they want.  You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, after all.  Besides, their government probably (correctly) figures that in about three months, if that, we’ll all be fixated on another part of the Middle East, like, say, Libya, or Syria, or Iraq, or Egypt, or, oh, Lebanon, or Iran, or so on and so forth.  Plus, it’ll closer to the November, and that means election time here in the U.S. and A.  And that means that Bibi’s buds in the GOP could be in strong enough shape to hamper President Obama now and possibly even impeach later (for him being, y’know, African-American), which mean s even more freedom from political pressure from the U.S.  And the who the Hell else is gonna stop them?  So, yeah, that’s how it is.


I guess I’ve found some sort of voice as I’ve been here hammering this out while having to pee for the past 20 minutes.  So, I guess one dam has yet to break.  That ends now.  Excuse me for a moment. Okay, I’m back.


I’m watching Nathan For You and he’s talking about his Dumb Starbucks prank.  He’s basically pulled an Andy Kaufman with that.  People have tried it before.  But they fail 99.9% of the time.  Nathan Fielder did.  Fucker. Thank you, good night for now, and, remember, profanity is awesome!

Oh, and here’s a picture of cat.  The Internet loves pictures of cats.

That should do it for now.

Jul 282014

So, I signed up for WordPress’ Writing 201 in the hopes of sharpening my writing abilities a bit. I have been starting at the screen on and off for a week and have nothing to show for it except a case of writer’s block. This is not fun.


Oh well, on to @Midnight’s Hashtag Wars.  I can write those just fine.