I’m not just tired, I’m weary. I can feel it around and behind my eyes. That’s how I know. I’m quietly despairing and must not let it overwhelm me. I have to remind myself that I’m exhausted and that is a major contributing factor to my sorrow. It’s still tough, though. Tough as hell.
In today’s Daily Prompt we are to write something involving the word “sincere.” Ok.
What would happen if I just disappeared? Who would be upset by this? My sister and some other family members would be devastated, but beyond that, I think that my going missing would only cause a momentary ripple. I’d be forgotten with weeks, if not days. And really, it would be my fault in a way. I’ve done nothing of value with myself, I’m not worthy of being remembered.
Part of this, a lot of this, is that I just want to run away, to flee. I feel trapped in a cycle of boredom and depression. I exist, but I don’t really live. Maybe it’s too late. Maybe. I don’t know. All that I do know is that I’m not really satisfied with where I am but don’t have the energy or focus to break out of my rut. Perhaps I deserve to just sit here and suffer, perhaps not. In the long run, that really doesn’t matter. What does matter is the here and now, a time and place that I want to flee. I just wish I knew where, or how. I doubt I will do anything other than wallow, but the day might come when I act on my desire to disappear, one way or the other. I’m sincere about this, too.
I hate coming home at night because it’s just me in my house. I feel so isolated most nights. It makes me sad. What am I going to do?
You called it: Brad & Angelina are divorcing. Meanwhile, you’ll never divorce because no one will ever love you even for a moment.
— Nihilist Arby’s (@nihilist_arbys) September 20, 2016