Nov 042015
 

Hello!  It’s been almost two months since I did one of these here vanity plate posts.  First, it was the Pope.  Luckily, that went off without a hitch.  But no sooner than that had passed than I found myself wrapped up in all things Halloween-y.  And that…flew by.  Good lord, where does the time go?  Well, even as it passes us by, vanity, it would seem, is here to stay.  To wit:

 

YESIAH

Here’s a name that means “God will lend.”  Good plan, I hear he doesn’t charge interest (well, the New Testament and Quranic versions at least).

 

ILASH

Sooooo, you’re doing free advertising for an eye liner? Wha?I hope you’re getting some kind of kickback for that, at least.

 

IMTHTGY

No, you’re not. Somewhere, Tywin Lannister is cocking an eyebrow and sneering ever-so-slightly.

 

Yup, time flies.  And eventually, it becomes something less than benign:

Aug 192015
 

The other day I was driving to lunch with my coworker and he surmised that the reason that the Harrisburg Area has so many vanity plates is its proximity to the DMV building.  I can’t believe that I never thought of that.  Kudos to my coworker, and shame on me for missing the obvious answer.  Shame, shame, shame.  Alas, many of my fellow people here in the greater Harrisburg area feel no shame, only vanity.  Here’s the evidence:

Ha ha, so clever! Except you know, when you're parked and someone walks by and takes a picture. Then it's the other way around. Not so clever now, are you? Not so clever now?!

Ha ha, so clever! Except you know, when you’re parked and someone walks by and takes a picture. Then it’s the other way around. Not so clever now, are you? Not so clever now?!

As in stimulant? I'm not so sure this plate isn't just another invitation to get pulled over by the cops. Call it a hunch.

As in stimulant? I’m not so sure this plate isn’t just another invitation to get pulled over by the cops. Call it a hunch.

So when you google the term "kneebar" you get some striking images like this one. This means either this person's talking a heap of trash or is the real deal. You're welcome to find out but I believe that discretion is the better part of valor in this case.

So when you google the term “kneebar” you get some striking images like this one. This means either this person’s talking a heap of trash or is the real deal. You’re welcome to find out but I believe that discretion is the better part of valor in this case.

Speaking of blindness:

Aug 132015
 

Gosh, I’m impressed by my middlebrow reference in the title.  I know that’s vain, but vanity’s what it’s all about these days.  To wit:

Jacari Noir?  Jacari Jacket?  Banana Jacari?  So much mystery in this one.  So much much mystery.

Jacari Noir? Jacari Jacket? Banana Jacari? So much mystery in this one. So much mystery.

I'd think twice before associating Jay-Z's name with your act.  If he gets wind of what of what you're doing, there's a good chance he's gonna corporate gangsta on you.  You can laugh at that term now, but you won't be when you're staring at a couple of seven-figure lawyers from across the table.  Plus, you'll never be allowed to meet Beyonce'.  You done been warned.

I’d think twice before associating Jay-Z’s name with your act. If he gets wind of what of what you’re doing, there’s a good chance he’s gonna corporate gangsta on you. You can laugh at that term now, but you won’t be when you’re staring at a couple of seven-figure lawyers from across the table. Plus, you’ll never be allowed to meet Beyonce’. You done been warned.

Clearly this is someone proclaiming their love for Ashbee's Wine Bar in London.  I commend you on picking what is, by all accounts that I've read (I've never been), a fine, fine establishment.  Kudos!

Clearly this is someone proclaiming their love for Ashbee’s Wine Bar in London. I commend you on picking what is, by all accounts that I’ve read (I’ve never been), a fine, fine establishment. Kudos!

 

Now, if only I could get this song out of my head.  Heh, I kid.  It’s a good one to have stuck:

 

Aug 062015
 

Boilerplate, and then, vanity:

LADY2

Again, I’m kinda “meh” about most sequels.

 

TEDI-BRS

Y’know, ever since finding out about the whole Furry thing, I haven’t been able to look at anything like this without assuming the worst. I feel so jaded.

The only mystery here is why you spent money on a vanity plate and then let it fog up.

The only mystery here is why you spent money on a vanity plate and then let it fog up.

Here’s to some temperate weather from here on out, yes Ms. Florence?

Jul 302015
 

Yeah, it’s hot.  But after these past two winters, I ain’t gonna complain too much.  Until I do.  But until then, I’m gonna make fun of people’s vanity plates, ‘cuz consistency is key.

6B

This is actually pretty clever. By printing your apartment number on your license plate, you’re sure never to get lost again.

NAG 7777

I was stumped by this one, so I took to the interwebs to search. Numerology, ho! It turns out that ‘7777’ means ‘The 7777 number sequence is a message from your angels that you are on the right path and doing well.’  Um, ok.  I guess.  But maybe you’d be better off if you worked towards what you wanted?  Just a thought.

M1N1 ZUG

“Zug” is German for “train.” So you’re telling us you see your Mini as a sort of miniature locomotive?  I hope you are a woman, ‘cuz otherwise you are selling yourself short on a very Freudian level.  That, or you are just being too cute by half.

 

I hope this helps take your mind of the heat and humidity, if only briefly.  If it doesn’t, then go do what it takes to stay cool.  You don’t wanna end up like this guy:

 

 

 

Jul 202015
 

Yeesh, but it’s soupy and goopy out there. But you don’t need me tell you that. You already know. I suspect that you also already know that even in this stultifying heat, vanity moves with a savoir faire that cannot be deterred by the elements. Ah yes, this oh-so-human shortcoming is indeed weather-proof. Perhaps this, and not the magic number that is 42, is the answer? Nnnaaahhh. Still, we need something to take our minds of this beastly heat. And so, vanity!:

ZEPLYN

YASSSS, CARL, YASSSS!

Carl

Anytime! No charge for the lesson.

 

3FT-1YD

Tow-may-ta, tow-mah-ta, imbecile, nitwit, you know how it goes.

 

 

 

PIXI-II

Again, I’m leery of sequels. And Manic Pixie Dream Girls aren’t real anyway. Not like we think, anyway

 

Welp, that wraps this installment up.  Just remember to practice gratitude like how our dolphin buddies soon will:

 

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