Jul 152016
 

 

Gosh it’s hot.  At least, it’s hot around here in good ol’ western PA.  I hope things are a tad cooler elsewhere.  But, even in the midst of this heat and humidity, vanity marches on!  For example:

SORDFTR

I LARP for those who cannot!

DOABLE

OK, you can, but…should you? That’s the question.

 

ROLLR 1

Joh-na-than. Joh-na-than! JOH-NA-THAN! (You HAVE seen the orignal ‘Rollerball‘, haven’t you?)

 

I’d stay and offer more, but I’m just too drained from this heat.  Yeesh.  Still, it beats winter, right Sly?

Jul 052016
 

 

Happy belated 4th and summer in general, folks!  I’ve been busy with other things, but vanity, like rust, never sleeps.  So, let’s take a look at how things are shaping up out there:

B-AWESOME

Here’s a thought: What if all of us *are* awesome? It would explain why we look so average to each other, wouldn’t it?

 

MOMMA BE

Momma be wasting $$$ on vanity plates instead of spending it on something nice for her family. For shame!

 

IB DRIVN2

Well technically you were parked, but let’s not quibble. But this plate begs an important question: Yes, you drive, but do you drive well?

 

Wow, it must have been the incessant buzzing of insects that comes with summer what put me in this frame of mind.  Now I can’t get this infernal buzzing out of my head.  Well, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, I say:

Mar 302016
 

There’s Vanity, and then there’s outright Narcissism.  These plates aggrandize the driver in such a way that they cross that line.  Behold:

LGNDRY

A legend in his own mind, an object of derision in everyone else’s.

 

2FAB4U

Unless you’re Sir Paul or Ringo, you most certainly are not. FAIL.

 

OUT-THRR

Yeah, sure. You’re a real wild and crazy guy, no doubt.

 

Self-glossing is not the way to go.  Show, don’t tell.  Maybe you all need to take a long, hard look at yourselves, like this guy did:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feb 242016
 

 

We’re a pious lot here in Pennsyltucky, even when we’re committing one of the Seven Deadly Sins.  So, look upon these with Agape, yes?

 

RKN4GOD

Make a joyful noise and all of that, eh? Well, I feel ya on that one, pal! Why, I even saw Stryper back in the day, so I get where you’re coming from.

 

 

 

COG-POSTR

It took me a while to figure this one out, but months after I first snapped this pic I realized it meant “Church of God Pastor.” I guess the spirit was not upon me when I took this picture. Does this mean Predestination is a thing, then?

 

VATICAN

Okay, I’m pretty sure this wasn’t an official vehicle of the Papacy but an ironic statement about the little white Nissan that bears it. That, or the Pope was *really* diligent about his advance team covering the region for last fall’s Philly visit. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen it since then. Hmm…

 

I know some of you heathens are laughing.  That’s ok, though, I could use the company once I get to where I’m headed.

Feb 072016
 

 

What better day to celebrate greatness and bad puns than Super Bowl Sunday?

PLEASE tell me that you didn’t buy this for yourself. Please.

 

GR8-HLTH

Well, bully for you! What’s your secret? Let me guess, part of it is a terrible sense of humor, right?

 

B8S BALL

‘BATES-BALL’? Is Norman the umpire? Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

 

Speaking of bad taste in good fun, remember this little football gem from back in the day?

Jan 302016
 

Willkommen!  I know that Volkswagen has had a (well-deserved) image problem as of late, but I still can’t help have a soft spot for the “People’s Car.”  I grew up in a Volkswagen family, and while their reputation for Teutonic Kraft has always been a bit overrated (the local Volkswagen specialty shop’s owner would practically hug my late father whenever he came in), I still have an irrational, unshakeable fondness for the things.  And apparently, I’m not alone in my affection:

VWOOM

I enjoy a nice, relaxing drive in a vehicle, too. But, I wouldn’t go so far as implying that rolling around in a VW is like being back in the Mommy Place.

 

LOVE VWS

Short and to the point, sir/madam. Well done. Brevity is the soul of wit and you have made you case brilliantly.

 

BUGABUG

So nice you had to say it twice, ja? Ich verstehe.

So, enjoy these photos, forget your troubles for a while, and…Willkommen!:

 

Jan 182016
 

It’s cold out there – really cold.  Still, some dream of a summer-y ride about with the top down and nothing between them and being crushed but a roll bar of dubious efficacy.  Yup, some dream of tooling around in their jeeps!  And of course some dream of doing so in a vain fashion.  Let’s take a look:

 

No, not this little guy (?).

No, not this little guy (?).

 

BABY JP

They start ’em young, I see.

 

You be illin'.

You be illin’.

 

 

B0n Jov1

You can take the girl outta Jersey…

 

I mock, but dreaming of cruising around with the top down helps a lot on a day like today.  Stay warm everybody!

Jan 072016
 

It’s still more than a month until Valentine’s Day, but love, like vanity, is a 24-7, 365 kinda thing.  Besides, I have a feeling we won’t be feeling very loving after Iowa and New Hampshire this year.  So, let’s get a jump in things, yes?

At first I thought this plate was referring to someone who enjoyed acting out the part of a poorly made-up lizard man nemesis of James T. Kirk.  Then I realized it was a declaration of someone's love of running.  That is much, much better.

At first I thought this plate was referring to someone who enjoyed acting out the part of a poorly made-up lizard man nemesis of James T. Kirk. Then I realized it was a declaration of someone’s love of running. That is much, much better.

 

LUV INK

Which kind? India stains badly if one is not careful, but it does have a certain…Victorian charm I suppose. Ball-point ink is an underappreciated artistic medium. And tattoos are, well, ubiquitous. But, considering I love the Beatles, I can’t get too self-righteous about folks loving things that are everywhere these days.

 

The Mountain?  Really?!?  The Hound, I could see, but the Mountain was a right proper bastard from the get-go.  Poor form, sir/madam, poor form.

The Mountain? Really?!? The Hound, I could see, but the Mountain was a right proper bastard from the get-go. Poor form, sir/madam, poor form.

 

 

I guess love, and vanity, really is all you need.

 

Dec 232015
 

Happy Festivus!  And by happy, I mean, it’s time for the Airing of Grievances.  My biggest problem with you people is your vanity.  To wit:

 

HLOKTY

Special New Jersey guest plate: Ah yes, how charming. You idolize a weird Japanese not-quite-cat-but-in-fact-creepy-human. Typical Jersey.

 

 

 

BOUBOU

Yes, I’m sure it hurts. And yes, the holidays are a busy time of year. Still, that doesn’t excuse you from bad spelling. Get it together, m’kay?

 

TWIRLON

We all shine, er, twirl on.  Well, except for you, Yoko.  You are thrice-damned.

 

I’ve got a lot of problems with you people!

Dec 032015
 

Happy [Winter Solstice Celebration of Choice Here].  Or however you spell celebrations that are aimed at distracting us from just how truly awful winter and its short, dreary days really is.  Making fun of things can help with that, too.  So can music.  And when we can combine music and mockery, well, ain’t that just solid gold my babies?  Let’s take a look:

1 ELVIS

Yup, there’s only one Elvis.  And he’s dead.  You do know that, right? Right?!?  Actually, don’t answer that.  It’s better for all us that way.

 

MS-JAKSON

I wasn’t being nasty, Ms. Jackson, I am for real!!!

 

PARIT HD

This is shorthand for “Parrot Head” which is itself shorthand for “I am a functional alcoholic.”

 

 

Hey, speaking of music and dysfunction, here’s the best Christmas carol ever:

Nov 042015
 

Hello!  It’s been almost two months since I did one of these here vanity plate posts.  First, it was the Pope.  Luckily, that went off without a hitch.  But no sooner than that had passed than I found myself wrapped up in all things Halloween-y.  And that…flew by.  Good lord, where does the time go?  Well, even as it passes us by, vanity, it would seem, is here to stay.  To wit:

 

YESIAH

Here’s a name that means “God will lend.”  Good plan, I hear he doesn’t charge interest (well, the New Testament and Quranic versions at least).

 

ILASH

Sooooo, you’re doing free advertising for an eye liner? Wha?I hope you’re getting some kind of kickback for that, at least.

 

IMTHTGY

No, you’re not. Somewhere, Tywin Lannister is cocking an eyebrow and sneering ever-so-slightly.

 

Yup, time flies.  And eventually, it becomes something less than benign:

Sep 102015
 

Okay, day 4 of this here challenge lies right in the ol’ wheelhouse, yessiree!

It all started about a year-and-a-half ago.  I got a ride from a coworker to a local garage to get my car picked up for some repairs needed for it to pass inspection.  It was on the way in that I saw this:

So perfect.

I love “Coming to America” as the next person raised in the 80s, but not as much as this guy.  And I’m willing to bet that it was a guy.  Honestly, I can’t see any woman putting that on her plate.  I could be wrong, but somehow I doubt it.

Shortly afterwards, I started this blog.  It was then that it suggested by the good folks at WordPress.com that a recurring feature is a good way to attract followers and build a “brand” for one’s blog.  All of this had merit, but, more than that, it meant that I would get to make snide, bitchy remarks about people’s vanity plates.  And oh Lord in Heaven has the Harrisburg area been obliging!  I’ve posted almost 150 of these pictures – three per post with very few exceptions – and I still keep coming across more.  A friend of mine recently pointed out the obvious in that we’re so close to the DMV that is makes it exceptionally easy for people to get these things (Harrisburg is Pennsylvania’s state capital).  Still, it’s remarkable in a way how strong everyone’s desire is to stand out.  I’m sure some clever soul could produce some riff on this being part of the Society of the Spectacle.  All I can really do is chuckle.  And, as snotty-nosed as I can get, I realize that I’ve got my little vanities as well.  But still, what else am I gonna with my time?  I’m too old to go out blowing cash on decadent pursuits every night.  I’ve neither the constitution nor the wallet for that.  No, instead I’m just sitting in the balcony, pointing and laughing for fun and entertainment.

Hardly a novel approach, I admit.

Hardly a novel approach, I admit.

And really, when you come across gems like these, how can you resist?

 

Some seem to want to hitch their wagon to a strong identity:

DKNYC

When Branding Goes Very, Very Wrong.

Some plates (unintentionally) cultivate an air of mystery:

 

Either this person owns a Brown Newfoundland dog or is proud of being born in Newfoundland. Considering the jokes that other Canadians make at the expense of "Newfies", I'm guessing the latter. Still, one never knows.

Either this person owns a Brown Newfoundland dog or is proud of being born in Newfoundland. Considering the jokes that other Canadians make at the expense of “Newfies”, I’m guessing the former. Still, one never knows.

 

 

And still others seem to beg your indulgence:

Ok, fine, I'll hear you out. But this had better be damned good - I'm on a clock, you know.

Ok, fine, I’ll hear you out. But this had better be damned good – I’m on a clock, you know.

Yup, Harrisburg and its surrounding area has vanity.  Lots and lots of vanity.  So, if you’re looking to score a few points with a quick anthropological or sociological study or just looking to kill time with a cheap, easy, and wholly legal hobby, it’s the place to be! Toodles, all!

Aug 192015
 

The other day I was driving to lunch with my coworker and he surmised that the reason that the Harrisburg Area has so many vanity plates is its proximity to the DMV building.  I can’t believe that I never thought of that.  Kudos to my coworker, and shame on me for missing the obvious answer.  Shame, shame, shame.  Alas, many of my fellow people here in the greater Harrisburg area feel no shame, only vanity.  Here’s the evidence:

Ha ha, so clever! Except you know, when you're parked and someone walks by and takes a picture. Then it's the other way around. Not so clever now, are you? Not so clever now?!

Ha ha, so clever! Except you know, when you’re parked and someone walks by and takes a picture. Then it’s the other way around. Not so clever now, are you? Not so clever now?!

As in stimulant? I'm not so sure this plate isn't just another invitation to get pulled over by the cops. Call it a hunch.

As in stimulant? I’m not so sure this plate isn’t just another invitation to get pulled over by the cops. Call it a hunch.

So when you google the term "kneebar" you get some striking images like this one. This means either this person's talking a heap of trash or is the real deal. You're welcome to find out but I believe that discretion is the better part of valor in this case.

So when you google the term “kneebar” you get some striking images like this one. This means either this person’s talking a heap of trash or is the real deal. You’re welcome to find out but I believe that discretion is the better part of valor in this case.

Speaking of blindness:

Aug 132015
 

Gosh, I’m impressed by my middlebrow reference in the title.  I know that’s vain, but vanity’s what it’s all about these days.  To wit:

Jacari Noir?  Jacari Jacket?  Banana Jacari?  So much mystery in this one.  So much much mystery.

Jacari Noir? Jacari Jacket? Banana Jacari? So much mystery in this one. So much mystery.

I'd think twice before associating Jay-Z's name with your act.  If he gets wind of what of what you're doing, there's a good chance he's gonna corporate gangsta on you.  You can laugh at that term now, but you won't be when you're staring at a couple of seven-figure lawyers from across the table.  Plus, you'll never be allowed to meet Beyonce'.  You done been warned.

I’d think twice before associating Jay-Z’s name with your act. If he gets wind of what of what you’re doing, there’s a good chance he’s gonna corporate gangsta on you. You can laugh at that term now, but you won’t be when you’re staring at a couple of seven-figure lawyers from across the table. Plus, you’ll never be allowed to meet Beyonce’. You done been warned.

Clearly this is someone proclaiming their love for Ashbee's Wine Bar in London.  I commend you on picking what is, by all accounts that I've read (I've never been), a fine, fine establishment.  Kudos!

Clearly this is someone proclaiming their love for Ashbee’s Wine Bar in London. I commend you on picking what is, by all accounts that I’ve read (I’ve never been), a fine, fine establishment. Kudos!

 

Now, if only I could get this song out of my head.  Heh, I kid.  It’s a good one to have stuck:

 

Aug 062015
 

Boilerplate, and then, vanity:

LADY2

Again, I’m kinda “meh” about most sequels.

 

TEDI-BRS

Y’know, ever since finding out about the whole Furry thing, I haven’t been able to look at anything like this without assuming the worst. I feel so jaded.

The only mystery here is why you spent money on a vanity plate and then let it fog up.

The only mystery here is why you spent money on a vanity plate and then let it fog up.

Here’s to some temperate weather from here on out, yes Ms. Florence?

Jul 302015
 

Yeah, it’s hot.  But after these past two winters, I ain’t gonna complain too much.  Until I do.  But until then, I’m gonna make fun of people’s vanity plates, ‘cuz consistency is key.

6B

This is actually pretty clever. By printing your apartment number on your license plate, you’re sure never to get lost again.

NAG 7777

I was stumped by this one, so I took to the interwebs to search. Numerology, ho! It turns out that ‘7777’ means ‘The 7777 number sequence is a message from your angels that you are on the right path and doing well.’  Um, ok.  I guess.  But maybe you’d be better off if you worked towards what you wanted?  Just a thought.

M1N1 ZUG

“Zug” is German for “train.” So you’re telling us you see your Mini as a sort of miniature locomotive?  I hope you are a woman, ‘cuz otherwise you are selling yourself short on a very Freudian level.  That, or you are just being too cute by half.

 

I hope this helps take your mind of the heat and humidity, if only briefly.  If it doesn’t, then go do what it takes to stay cool.  You don’t wanna end up like this guy:

 

 

 

Dec 102014
 

So, I’ve been busy doing other stuff and reveling in that, but those plates are still out there in droves.  Watching, waiting, driving about.  I’m starting to wonder if this isn’t some sort of Night Vale connection.  I hope not, but if The Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in your home shows up, I won’t be surprised.  I won’t be happy, but I won’t be surprised, either.  But enough surmise about surprise.  Let’s see what this week’s got to offer in the way of SC PA vanity!

 

It's her Benz, not yours.

I always hate it when I roll out into the parking lot and can’t tell which Mercedes is mine. This little trick solves that problem. Well done, Sandy!

 

The Rock That Rolls Over Your Head.

Paradigm 33? Is that the Rolling Rock marketing and distribution model?  If so, you might just wanna skip to Paradigm 34. Nobody drinks Rolling Rock anymore.

 

Rule, er, Pennsyltucky?

And here I thought it was the Susquehanna that ran past Harrisburg. Shows you what I know.

 

Holidays come, holidays go, but the plates will make a year-round show.  It’s a constant in these parts.  Just run with it, people.  That’s all any of us can do…for now.

 

Nov 132014
 

Sometimes, there’s a pattern to these here vanity plates.  This week, we see a melodic theme emerge.  Check it out.

BST-GAGA

Best GaGa? I’d have to say Poker Face, but Edge of Glory isn’t too bad, either.

MR DAZZZ

That’s MISTER Dazz to you! Let it Whip, baby!

ZIZI-T

Billy, Dusty, and Frank want you to give them all your lovin’ ladies.

See yinz later!

Nov 062014
 

Ah fall, how I love you! There’s a crispness in the air, football season is in full flight, and the leaves turn vibrant colors. It’s a beautiful time of year in Pennsylvania. Sadly, it fades, though, and winter casts its long shadow over the land for several month. Decay is inevitable. It’s part of life. Things fall apart. But vanity plates still abound.

1 KPRICE

1 K = 1000. Ok. 1000 Price. 1000 Price of what? What’s the unit of currency we’re talking about here? Gold ingots? The Euro? The Loonie?

E-SAL

So, IS E-SAL condemned to live in Harrisburg for plotting to harm J-COB? Does that mean…, OMG, IS HARRISBURG THE ISLAND?

GO DUKES

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Duquesne University vanity plate before.  Pretty cool.

Will the center hold?  Only time will tell.

Oct 152014
 

The baseball playoffs are here, wrapping up that season, and the NFL and college football are in full swing.  But that will come end soon, too.  But do you know what never goes out of season?  Vanity plates.  But you knew this.  Let’s see what’s shakin’.

3UP 3DN

Three up, three down, Oriels fan? Not this year. Not with the way Mike Moustakas is playing.

KITTI

Meets great guy. He’s allergic.

TUPAC

Apparently Mr. Shakur really is alive. And now he’s hiding in plain sight by living here in SC PA. Well played, sir.

Oct 082014
 

Oh yeah, legally able to imbibe at last!  Well, metaphorically speaking anyway.  Still, it sounds like as good a reason as any to pop out at some point in the near future and grab a beer (or two).  Of course, I won’t be driving if I do, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem.  Vanity goes where it will, and all I have to do is rely on the law of averages to help me out.  I don’t anticipate any problem on that end, which is good.  I got enough hassles as it is.  But I digress; let’s examine this week’s entrants!

Vanity Plates

Constance, as in steadfast and not constipated, as in, stuck. This is a very subtle, but important distinction.

Vanity Plates

I just imagine this person claps and utters high-pitched cheers of support a lot. I also imagine this not a car you wanna jack as there are likely plenty o’ metal bats with arms reach of its driver. Call it a hunch.

Vanity Plates

Oh my God, I loved those guys back in the 80s! They were so epically metal! They just got after it and…oh, wait, that was Queensrÿche. Never mind.

Oh yeah, vanity plates are out there in droves.  Droves, I say!  I’d tell Yinz that I’m enjoying the fat times before the great famine comes, but I don’t think that’s gonna be the case.

Sep 292014
 

I was busy, but now I’m not.  And I won’t lie, the time away from the office did me good.  But vanity never rests, and it falls to me to take up the struggle once again.  But fear not!  I am a happy warrior, fighting the good fight against silliness with…more silliness.  Okay, maybe I shoulda thought this through a bit more than I did.  Oh well, too late now.  Here we go!

 

Your guess is as good as min.

South Dakota time four? 4 Scary Ducks? Suspended Driver for the fourth time? This one’s another puzzler.

 

LUV-EORE

It’s not much of a vanity plate, but I’m sort of attached to it.

 

So, you're saying you're the love child of the old Zayre's department stores and T.J. Maxx?  You get to be the bastard child of low-end retail.   Um, wow, lucky you.

So, you’re saying you’re the love child of the old Zayre department stores and T.J. Maxx? You get to be the bastard child of low-end retail. Um, wow, lucky you.

 

Fall is here, but in terms of vanity, nothing has changed.  It’s a constant of a sort, I suppose.

Sep 182014
 

Yup, another birthday, another year, and another week of South Central Pennsylvania indulging in its vanity plate habit.  It just never ends.

Oh hey, I love the Dungeons & the Dragons too!  And with 5th edition just released, it's a swell time to let your nerd flag fly.  Or not, if this wasn't your intention.  But I choose to believe it is.

Oh hey, I love the Dungeons & the Dragons too! And with 5th edition just released, it’s a swell time to let your nerd flag fly. Or not, if this wasn’t your intention.  But I choose to believe that it is.

Electronic Ink? Or is “E” your first initial? And is “77” the year you were born or just a number? Your IQ? Do you even know?

Initially I was gonna mock this person's grasp of the obvious.  Then on second thought I realized this isn't a bad way to pick out your truck in a crowded parking lot.  How deceptively clever of you sir/madame!

Initially I was gonna mock this person’s grasp of the obvious. Then on second thought I realized this isn’t a bad way to pick out your truck in a crowded parking lot. How deceptively clever of you sir/madame!

 

Yup, it’s a quirk that’s showing itself everywhere these days in South Central PA.  Maybe they’re all part of some ka-tet that only a few, including the plate’s owners themselves, recognize?  Maybe this means I’m in on it, too?  Probably not, but a fellah can dream!

Aug 272014
 

As we approach this grand farewell to summer, this celebration of all thing proletarian, AND THE START OF FOOTBALL SEASON, there will be a lot of people travelling across this fair, God-kissed (but not French-style, you pervs!) land of ours.*  Pennsylvania will be no exception, of course, so keep your peepers peeled for vanity’s that’s four-wheeled!  (Not bad for on the spot, huh?)  Here’s a little warmup for yinz to get your brain juices flowing as get ready to be on the lookout for automotive wackiness:

 

GQ2AT

GQ Smooth To A “T”, eh? I took me a little while to get this one ’til I sounded it out. And you know what that means: I’m learning to read!

 

IMA_DOER

My hope is that you mean this in the “I’m a go-getter” sense and not the “I’m getting ready for the nastiness” sense. There’s something to be said for subtlety. That’s why they call it innuendo, yeah?

 

BEACH_K9

I like the beach. I like dogs. And I’m sure both go together just fine. I just don’t see the need to advertise it. Still, this plate’s a nice e way to say farewell to the summer, so I’ll give it that.

 

Drive safe, peoples!

*”G0d-kissed land” and all inherent benefits reserved for the sole use of white people.  Everyone else is on their own.

Aug 212014
 

Today’s Daily Post asks “But what is it about a scene, a place, or a moment that makes us reach for our cameras and snap an image?” It wants to know “…what is it about a scene, a place, or a moment that makes us reach for our cameras and snap an image?”

For some, I’m sure it’s the beauty and wonder of nature. For others, an attempt to catch a moment of affection or quiet dignity is what drives them to snap way. Others still look to moments of high energy (e.g. runners in a 100 meter dash) or drama (e.g. anything that made the news in this God-awful month). Me, I look for vanity plates. I guess I’m kinda shallow that way.

 

In my defense, I have a few good reasons for doing this:

  1. It’s free.
  2. It’s a pretty benign hobby that keeps my brain occupied.
  3. They’re funny.  Well, they’re funny to me at least.
  4. It gives me a recurring feature for my blog.

 

Here’s my all-time favorite example.  This is the one that started it all:

SXL CHOCOLATE VANITY PLATE

Ansel Adams I ain’t, but come on!  Who wouldn’t want a memento of something like that?

If you’re curious, check out some of my other vanity plate pictures, starting here.

 

Aug 202014
 

Howdy-doody people!  I took last week off because I wasn’t feelin’ it.  And I honestly thought that things would get better out in the ol’ psychosphere and in the real world as well.  Boy, was I wrong about that.  In light of the world’s ongoing troubles, I’ve come to the conclusion that soldiering on and taking one’s fun where one can is about the best it’ll ever get.  Be it in war or peace, vanity will march on as long as humanity exists.  So, let’s point and laugh.  Snicker, at least.

 

So, let's see, basketball has five guys, so that would imply a 6th man, and football has 11 guys, so that would imply a 12th man.  That leaves baseball with 9 guys.  So, 10th MAN means you're ra-ra baseball.  Great, I guess.  (Yuck)

So, let’s see, basketball has five guys, so that would imply a 6th man, and football has 11 guys, so that would imply a 12th man. That leaves baseball with 9 guys. So, 10th MAN means you’re ra-ra baseball. Great, I guess. (Yuck)

 

TH DUCHY

I love the music of the 80s, too. But somehow I don’t think most cops are even hip to a one-hit wonder like Musical Youth these days. Even if they do know who it is you’re talking about, I don’t think that group’s the first thing that comes to mind when they see your plate. I hope you like getting pulled over a lot, Young Marley.

 

SPECIAL NEW JERSEY GUEST PLATE:  Please don't let this be you bragging about what I think you're bragging about.  Oh, God, no.  Not that, please don't let it be that.

SPECIAL NEW JERSEY GUEST PLATE: Please don’t let this be you bragging about what I think you’re bragging about. Oh, God, no. Not that, please don’t let it be that.

 

Jul 082014
 

A fearsome, blustery storm blew through South-Central of PA today, but that did not deter me from my mission.  Not that, and not the 90-something gentleman who seemed to be playing ’10 MPH Parking Lot Obstacle Course’ through the local mall’s parking lot.  No sirree, not me.  I’m on the casee.  As in, on point.  But, in the meantime, here are some of my previous finds:

Lucky you?

As in, winning it all in a 7 game series? Maybe. I’m guessing it’s a poker reference. 7-Card Stud, woo-hoo! Still, is that the best use of your cash, much less your license plate? I’ll have to ask the repo guys in a few months, I guess. 😉

You better twerk, er, I mean work!

I’m guessing this is someone’s name or nickname. I’m sure there’s a very personal and unique history behind it. Still, all I keep envisioning a gigantic African-American drag queen when I see this plate. Stupid 90s, messin’ with my brain.

Who's that tappin' on my door? It must be a quarter to fo-our.

This one’s a bit of cheat for me. This is the name of a local bar right around the block from me. I assume this is the owner’s vehicle. That, or someone is long overdue for an intervention.

 

Jul 082014
 

Gee whiz but it’s hot in South Central Pennsylvania these days.  Summer is here and the time is right, for vanity plates in the street!

I'm Isaz?  Imi Saz?  I could pretend this sort of plate frustrates me, but the truth I enjoy these puzzlers.  They keep the ol' brain from getting rusty.  I think.

I’m Isaz? Imi Saz? I could pretend this sort of plate frustrates me, but the truth I enjoy these puzzlers. They keep the ol’ brain from getting rusty. I think.

Is this one a play one "Somaili" maybe?  Or is it using the Dark Tower's formal address of "Sai" as in "Sai Mali?"  Again with a puzzler.

Is this one a play one “Somali” maybe? Or is it using the Dark Tower’s formal address of “Sai” as in “Sai Mali?” Again with a puzzler.

It's  a cool name, "Shadow Mover", but if you were so darned stealthy, you'd wouldn't have been caught on camera, eh?  Who's the clever one now, hahahaha?!

It’s a cool name, “Shadow Mover”, but if you were so darned stealthy, you’d wouldn’t have been caught on camera, eh? Who’s the clever one now, hahahaha?!

Jun 242014
 

I’m torn.  I’m either getting more timid or more judicious as I set out to recorded the automotive naming gaffes of South Central PA’s motorists.  I lean towards the latter, but I can’t help but feel as if I’m holding back.  Luckily, there still seem to be enough vanity plates out there to give me plenty of time and opportunities to make up my mind.  But, enough woolgathering!  Here’s this week’s selection:

It took me a little while to figure this one out until a chance conversation made me realize that the owner of this vehicle is likely a member of the 5 Percent Nation.  In my defense, I'm a crackery pale youth from rural Western Pennsylvania.  I didn't even hear of this group until I was in my late twenties or early thirties.

It took me a little while to figure this one out until a chance conversation made me realize that the owner of this vehicle is likely a member of the 5 Percent Nation. In my defense, I’m a crackery pale youth from rural Western Pennsylvania. I didn’t even hear of this group until I was in my late twenties or early thirties.

Ugh!

Yes, I’m sure it is. You must be great fun at parties. Or anywhere else you go, for that matter.

You're, um, missing a few steps there.

Ooohhh, lookee! You can count just like a big kid! Sorta…

May 282014
 

I see them everywhere now.  This isn’t just a coincidence.  I’ve tapped into the hidden, parallel world that we so often miss.  This is no coincidence.  I’m in Carcosa now.

Alright, Alright, Alright!

Welcome to my world, man.

Seriously, they’re everywhere around here.

 

Diabeetus

That’s swell, but who wants Diabeetus?

I got nothin'.

The ice cream bar? The soap? The Holy Spirit? You’re guess is as good as mine on this one.

How very original.

Oh, how the youth soccer league must feel when they see you coming. Poor kids, poor parents, you have my sympathies.

It’s too late.  I can’t turn back.  Pray for me, people.  Pray for me.